Overdoing Negativity.

You’ll always find people who are poles apart. Just like I’m sure you’ve met a lot of people who are overly positive, you must’ve met some people who are overly negative. The latter kind is never happy in life. Something is always going wrong in their life. Even if everything is fine, they can’t accept how everything can be fine. They desperately seek reasons to be upset about. While seeing on the bright side all the time is not reasonable, looking at the dark side and forcing yourself to be comfortable with it isn’t the wisest thing, either. Finding middle-ground or finding a balance is important for your sanity. Just like it’s unhealthy to be happy all the time, it’s unhealthy to be upset all the time too.

There are people who really suffer from clinical depression, and then there are people who say they are depressed/hint towards being depressed to gain attention. Since sadness or depression is something people seem to easily relate to, there are pages who will take advantage of this faulty human behavior. These pages post incredibly sad quotes and use words like suicide and depression very loosely. While there can be pages that are genuinely giving out help, there are pages that try to glamorize depression. This twisted, false perception makes people more and more ignorant about the concept. Social media is not exactly the place to seek help.

You know how sometimes you don’t know how you feel, and someone asks if are you sad, and the next moment you find yourself pondering about everything that’s not going well with you? When we have such empty moods, where you don’t really know how you feel and you come across a sad quote that triggers something that happened to you long ago, you immediately fall in this loop of thinking and overthinking about that time. Then you go to that page, you read more quotes, you convince yourself into believing that all of the quotes are written just for you. I think we all did that around the age of 14-16. Some people never come out of that phase. They survive on those quotes and make it a mission to feel miserable for the rest of their lives.

Now, the issue isn’t just how pessimistic some people are, but also how much they try to drag you with them. Some people just have a negative influence in your life. They know your weak spot, and they use it against you. The moment you finally start accepting that everything isn’t as bad as it seems, they are there to remind you that that in fact isn’t true, and you’re just as miserable as they are.

Like a lot of other people, I am someone who believes in the strength of the vibes people give out. When you are around certain people, you just feel cheerful for no specific reason. Just being around them just makes you believe that things are just fine. Then there are people at the other end of the pole. They remind you of all the reasons you should discard all your hopes. You just feel restless and anxious for no reason. It’s just their presence and their habit of making things look worse.

For instance, you are at a seminar, and you aren’t sure if you’re enjoying just yet. You are sitting next to someone who doesn’t seem to be enjoying. They turn around and give you this tired and annoyed look; or they’ll also whisper to you how badly they want to get out of it. Now that unsure feeling you have is starting to shape into what that person is emitting. Suddenly you feel just as bored as them, and slowly as they start becoming impatient, you feel yourself getting impatient and restless as well. The seminar might not be something of their interest, but you went because you wanted to learn something. Now you’ve given up your original motive and your vibes are syncing with the vibes of the person sitting next to you. If it was someone who appeared to be equally interested as you, you would’ve been merry and patient throughout. It’s just the vibe certain people carry along with them that make you feel a certain way.

Surrounding yourself with these ungrateful and negative people is toxic for your well being. They are the kind of people who just want to complain but don’t want to do anything to make their situation better. You’ll notice their problems aren’t real, and they blatantly ignore positive things in life. Make sure the vibes you give out are relatively positive. There’s enough negativity, we don’t need more.

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Overdoing Positivity

Most of us in our early teenage years derived inspiration and motivation from naïve quotes online. Those quotes provided fake positivity, and we never questioned them, because we somehow were able to relate to them. Growing up, some of us could fortunately tell the difference between positivity and forced positivity. Why am I writing about this now? Because I am done seeing people trying to tell everyone that smiling is going to solve everything. Sorry to burst your bubble, but smiling is not the universal solution to everything that bothers you. The so-called motivational pages on Instagram are lying to you. If it’s not clear yet, I’m not against positivity. I’m all about positivity. What actually bothers me, is how people and pages get away with convincing people that their false perceptions about it are in fact real, and are ultimate solutions to everything you go through. There is a difference between having a positive mind-set while dealing with problems, and just smiling and hoping for the problems to go away. It is not even possible. You think your problem is like a person just watching you drown in worry, and the moment you smile, you’re gonna scare that person and that it will go away forever? I’m sure most of you have seen that meme, where there is a sad person lying on the floor, his friend asks him “why do you look sad?” and he says “because I am sad.” Then, his friend comes up with the most stupid thing possible, “well then don’t be sad.” The sad person is now dramatically happy and is having a blast in life. I am not the only person who has a problem with this, and I am definitely not the only person who is talking about it. Does this mean that you should keep drowning in worry because you can’t smile? Does this mean it’s wrong to be positive when you’re dealing with problems? Absolutely not. The solution is to actually deal with problems instead of ignoring them with a smile. The key is to start accepting the situation you are in. Being in denial will increase the stress and anxiety. So accept it first, let it sink in, then you can proceed to deal with it, with a comparatively clearer mind. This isn’t a blog about how to solve problems, so I’ll re-focus for the time-being. I’ll talk about the difference between fake and real positivity.

  1. Any post/page/quote/story/person that tells you to just be happy, or tells you that you can choose to be happy by your own will, is lying to you. Don’t choose to be happy, because you don’t really have a choice. Why on Earth would anyone ever choose to be sad? It’s not your choice. Although, you do have a choice about what has the power to bother you, and what doesn’t have that power. If it’s already bothering you, don’t spend time trying to take that power away. Accept and deal; and then make sure you don’t let that bother you next time onward. If it comes back later, you probably should find an even more efficient way to deal with it, the first solution didn’t work well enough. No reason to be demotivated, you’ll improve each time.
  2. Even I fell for this trap once- “if it’s not going to bother you in the future, don’t spend time thinking about it right now.” It is very tempting to fall for this one. It’s not entirely wrong. However, we might fail to recognise that it doesn’t apply to every situation. There are certain problems that will become worse and worse, and hit you right in the face if you ignore them. Your prediction isn’t necessarily accurate all the time. You may think this won’t bother you in a few years, but you could be terribly wrong about it. When it does come back, it comes back as a nightmare. Possible solution for this could be spending time to recognise if the problem is actually long-term or not. Make back-up plans; come up with solutions just in case, and be prepared to face them in future; because predictions aren’t always right. Also, I would like to point out the difference between coming up with a solution for something you are going through right now, and coming up with a solution for something that hasn’t even happened yet, but you predict will occur in future.
  3. “Look on the brighter side/everything has two sides.” You can’t always focus on the other side of your miseries. A coin has two sides, but doesn’t mean it will always land on the side you desire. Just because there is a brighter side, doesn’t mean your miseries aren’t real. I believe it will take more efforts to just look on the brighter side, than to actually deal with a problem. You are allowed to be unhappy. Instead of encouraging people to get over it and look at the delusional side, encourage people to talk about what bothers them. Encourage them to vent their anger, or any other overwhelming feelings. Encourage them to vocalise their inner thoughts and patiently listen and understand, instead of asking them to shut up and “look at the bright side.” You are possibly giving them more anxiety by telling them that they aren’t supposed to be upset over something. They are going to spend more time convincing themselves that it is wrong to feel miserable.

 

There are a million other examples of how people are trying to brainwash stupid concepts, and this blog will go on forever. If you keep thinking that nothing is wrong, you are never going to be motivated to solve any of your problems. You have convinced your body (falsely) that nothing is wrong with you, which is why your body is not going to provide you with motivation to resolve any of your conflicts. Overdoing positivity is going to kill all the encouraging aspects of your life, it is eventually going to kill your drives to even succeed in anything. It will make you a dull person, because your happiness is artificial, possibly leading to depression, because you will eventually stop feeling anything at all. Stop being fake, stop believing in fake positivity, start dealing with your problems. Get help, give help, this isn’t a magical island. You are allowed to feel unhappy, you are allowed to talk about it. It will get better, but only if you do something about it. Things aren’t as terrible as you think they are; but they aren’t as good as others are telling you either. We fortunately live in an era where there are many more ways to deal with your problems, and there are actual professionals who can help you through it. There are helplines who will do what they have to, charging moderately as well. I am not one of the professionals, but fortunately I got out of the trap of fake positivity early enough. Hoping this clarified it for you as well.

It Will Only Bother You, As Long As You Let It Bother You.

I know this is a very obvious thing; and it’s probably not even inspirational. However, speaking from the numerous times that I’ve tried it myself, it works 8 out of 10 times. Sometimes it’s just too serious to not let it bother me, so I’ll keep the rest of the two times out of question for now. In this social media generation, it is very easy for most of us to get disturbed when we see some things online. It could be something as small as your best friends hanging out without you. When you are connected with something or someone on a deep level, it’s very difficult to ignore even the tiniest of issues. Now, I’m not saying I’m some kind of an expert. We all are bothered by a lot of things every day; and I am most certainly not trying to compare anyone’s suffering. But here are some reasons why things bother us more than they should-

  • Dwelling: Again, a very obvious thing to say, but we don’t realise just how much we dwell over things, until the issue goes out of hand. For instance, maybe something absolutely terrible happened the other night. Someone did something that you didn’t expect them to do to you. What do we do? We start thinking about it, firstly. The scene repeatedly plays in our head the whole night. The next thing we do is think about why it happened. Was it somewhere our own mistake? We start thinking about all the possible mistakes we might have made. The next thought is how it would’ve never happened if we didn’t make those mistakes in the first place. Then we play scenarios of how nice it would’ve been if we handled it in a better way. Then there’s the last step for the night: we are hit by reality; that no matter how nice we think it would’ve been, it didn’t occur the way we wanted it to. This is how we don’t realise that we’ve wasted the whole night thinking about it. We just start living in that scene, and we lose track of time.

 

  • Telling the wrong people about it: Talking about it with someone just because they are in front of you, will give you no fruit. Fake sympathy is all you’ll get. Or probably not even that; most people suck at empathy and sympathy. And then there will be that one person who will claim they can solve your problem and they just end up giving the worst advice ever. Very few people can console you the way you want to be consoled. Bad advice will make things worse; fake sympathy won’t do any good, you’ll only be relieved for a moment before it all goes down tumbling again; fake empathy is the fake assurance that people give, that they know what you’re going through, but they don’t, they probably have no idea what it’s like to be in your place.

 

  • Being confused: Whether you should be persistent and solve the problem, or just accept that it has happened and move on. These questions that seem never ending, put you in a huge spiral of confusion and mess it up more than it already is. If you are persistent on solving the problem, you might end up making it worse. It’s probably too difficult to move on as well. Maybe you think you’re too weak to move on, so you make an effort to stay, then probably realise it’s not worth it. Moving on also requires detachment which might make you cold towards certain situations. That might not always be the best decision for you.

 

  • Denial: Very common among over-thinkers. There is so much shock, there is this huge element of surprise, that something like that could even happen to you; it’s almost impossible to accept it in the beginning. Questions like how could it happen, why did it happen, why did it happen to me; keep hovering over your head making it so difficult to even deal with it maturely. The reason is, we are so blind towards the reality sometimes, so happy in the oblivion, that we don’t even see it coming even if it was obvious. This is what hurts the most. When someone tries to break it down to you, all you can still think of in your head is it just shouldn’t have happened in the first place.

 

Now that I’ve listed the possible reasons above, I’ll list the ways in which I handle it, the ways I personally find helpful. Mind you that it doesn’t work in an instance, it needs repeated practice and I still haven’t mastered those ways. However, it’s always relieving to try out. Persistence is all you need.

  • When you find yourself dwelling for too long, explain yourself all the reasons you shouldn’t be dwelling right now. Explain yourself that dwelling is not going to change the fact that it has happened. Is this going to bother you in coming future? Or even better, is this going to bother you forever? Most probably not. It never does. One situation cannot bother someone forever. There you have it, say that it’s irrelevant and mean it. It won’t stop being relevant the very moment, but you might find it relaxing that this is going to be over the sooner you accept it. Being firm about it is going to help you a lot in the next few days after it has happened. Consider it as the first step of dealing with it. You’ll find a strong ground to stand on, so that you can carry on with sleeping that night. Force yourself to sleep; and if it was something that was on the phone that bothered you, you must most certainly fight the urge to check your phone. Keep it far from your reach. Repeat the thought in your mind that it’s not gonna bother you forever; until you have slept.

 

  • For me personally, the first step works wonders. However, if you feel like you need to talk to your close friends about it, tell the ones who actually care. A pretty obvious solution to not telling it to the wrong people, is to tell it to the right people. The ones you have already shared things with before and have been helpful every time. There’s nothing better than talking to someone who only gives advice once they’ve heard the whole thing. Talk to the people you trust can help. Do not get second thoughts once you’ve decided. You don’t want to get stuck all over again. Just decide what is it you wish to do and stick by it till the end.

 

  • As I said, the sooner you accept that it has happened, the easier it will be to think rationally and get over it. It is like dipping your feet in cold water. The quicker you get adjusted to it, the more comfortable you become in it. Do not think about what it could’ve been like. Doesn’t matter how amazing you think it could’ve been, just don’t think about the possible scenarios. It will only take more time, and it is not going to happen just by thinking about it, so why waste time. Replace those scenarios with something else, perhaps with reality, if you really have accepted it.

 

  • Listen to the advice your trusted friend gave you, or go with your instinct. It’s not the end of the world no matter what you decide. If things get worse, quit looking for solutions. Just let it happen the way it was going to happen anyway. You tried, so be proud of yourself for that. Indulge into activities you love doing, and keep doing them until you have no time left to think about it again. When other things start mattering more, the previous thing automatically starts affecting you less. Get busy doing everything you wanted to be busy doing. Because literally, it will only bother you as long as you let it bother you. Take all the time you need in this world to reach this point, because once you do, you will realise it wasn’t that hard in the first place.

 

  • Once you’re done with it, add this little step in the end to help you next time when something else bothers you – Self appreciation. Tell yourself things like “See? It was all worth it”, “I’m proud of you that you got here even when you never thought you would”, “It’s not that difficult, you can handle this the next time around”, or whatever works for you.

 

If you are one of those people who desperately tried to help someone going through this but couldn’t, and you think that this might help, please share it with them. I’m not saying this for my own benefit, I’m just saying because you should help the ones who really need you to. You can even comment suggesting some other ways. More help, more peace. Please get better at showing sympathy and empathy, for humanity’s sake.

Being Random

Getting real here, today. There is no topic for this blog. Just some things about me, why I started the blog, etc. So I am a college going student, which might sound magical for school going kids; but actually it’s a little bit like school – bland and amazing at the same time. I mean I went to junior college, so I had a little bit of experience about how college would be, and it’s just like I thought it was going to be. There’s a group full of mean people, there’s a group full of barbie dolls, a group that never leaves the canteen; that sort of experience. Studies are fine; some group projects here and there. Psychology class has been pretty interesting lately. Given that it’s the subject I have opted for in my specialty, it’s a good thing that I also find the studies interesting. You know, liking a subject in general and being fond of studying the subject, are two different things.

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What my college looks like. (10 times prettier irl)
Ganpati will be here this week and I’m gonna miss Pune at that time, because the energy in Maharashtra during this festival is crazy!

Speaking of crazy, I made new friends here *smiles sheepishly*. They are really great human beings, very understanding, very cheerful; and low-key just as insane as I am. They try to get me out of the house, though sometimes their attempts are unsuccessful, I’ve been going out and doing things in a month, which I did not do in 2-3 months combined. So, good job, I’ll say because it’s fun; almost always. Enough about you guys now *inserts a cow emoji*.

I’ve been reading this new book lately – well the book is old, but I’m reading it now so I guess that counts as new – it’s the old classic ‘Men are from Mars Women are from Venus’ by John Gray. It’s a really really good book that gives insights to the emotions both men and women feel. I found answers to why I behave a certain way through this book, because it explains why we feel what we feel, just so well!

In other news, I struggle to find topics for writing a blog, if you can’t tell already. My mind is really clouded. I have a lot of things to say, a lot of opinions that I wish to express; but I don’t have enough content for every thought I have. It’s like I have a lot of small pieces to write, but those aren’t enough to turn into a blog. So I sit in front of my laptop and try to write, I write a paragraph or so, and then I just don’t have anything more to write about that one topic, so I save it as a draft and I say to myself “well maybe you should write when you have a proper topic in mind; enough to write a blog” and then it gets dragged for weeks on end. I started writing this blog because I actually initially wanted to start a YouTube channel; and I already had a lot of scripts written. But I didn’t have enough resources to start a channel; so I thought meanwhile I can post my content on a blog. And so I did; even though I fail at keeping it updated.

I have a lot of motivation to travel, lately. I mean I always want to travel, but lately the urge has been undeniable. I have some of my trips planned already. I sit lamenting about how I cannot travel right now, and then suddenly after 2 hours of searching and researching on the internet, I have a planned trip; with the budgets, attractions, cuisines and hotels. I decided to start saving up for it, but I also kind of need to buy new clothes, so I’m in a hard place. I’ll figure out a way sooner or later.

Other than that, the new house that I live in, is perfect. The view is great, the facilities are great, and to be honest it already almost feels like home. Everything settling down bit by bit and it’s all good.

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New view.
I’m not watching many series these days, but I do catch up on ‘Suits’ regularly. This show has been a lifeline since episode 1. It sucks that it’s so underrated, it’s the best series after F.R.I.E.N.D.S. that I’ve ever watched. And yes, I am trying to catch up on Game of Thrones because there is a lot of peer pressure to complete the series. It is interesting, I’m not saying it’s not; but I already have too many spoilers because I was late to the party. That kind of kills the motivation to keep watching, since I know what is going to happen most of the times, but I’ll finish it anyway – sooner or later. I’ve also been trying to catch up on the YouTube scene. I am actually so addicted to YouTube that I had to take a break so I can do other necessary things in life, like eating. Also, there’s no WiFi connection in this house yet.

So I guess that’s about it. That’s all the random things you didn’t need to know about me. I hope you enjoyed reading, anyway. Oh wait! There’s more. Moving update: This city is really different than what it was like when I used to come here for vacations. I have mixed emotions about this place now, and I am not able to put a finger on exactly how I feel about living here. But it’s pretty good so far, I guess; since I didn’t face a big trouble yet. The people here are really sweet and I guess it will all be worth it.

See you weeks later! Bbye!

Are We Wasting Our Lives?

Before I start, I just wanna say that I took down the promise of posting every 2 weeks. I realised that writing is not worth it if I’m under some sort of pressure. I like to write when my thoughts start flowing, instead of writing because I have to. So now that that’s out of the picture, I’ll proceed with the topic. Since I have been feeling this and seeing some other people feel the same way, I felt it was time for me to talk about it, get it out of my system and feel better. This process of writing and getting stuff out has worked exceptionally well for me! You could try it too. Okay, back to the topic. I find myself constantly fearing that I am wasting my precious time; and therefore wasting my life. This fear crawls in when I sit and think about what I did throughout the day, and realise I did nothing productive. Then I think about what I did during the last week, and the terror stays. I am not in school anymore, so studying does not count as being busy. I have neither been busy, nor productive since months. The closest I got to creating something new by myself was making a bookmark. I know that’s not a real thing, I don’t need anyone to spell that out for me. I find myself in desperate need to find something productive, yet mature to do (which means, no bookmarks). I found my diary today, I read what I used to write about my feelings or just opinions that I needed to get out of me. You could say those were like rough ideas for my blogs. I saw that the last time I wrote something in it was in January. Though hard to believe, it’s already been half a year. 6 MONTHS; NOTHING ACKNOWLEDGE-ABLY PRODUCTIVE. Wow; it’s still difficult to digest.

The point is, a lot of us are always terrified by the thought that we might be wasting our life and we will keep doing so if we don’t figure out a way to feel useful/unique/productive. It’s easy for people to say you have a purpose in life and the world is waiting for what you have to offer. It’s difficult to actually find what is that one thing that the world is waiting for us to do, what we are supposed to give everyone. This usually happens to people who weren’t extraordinary as kids, nor did they excel at life; or weren’t even valedictorians. We tend to compare our achievements with someone else’s achievement once in a blue moon; or frequently, in case of people who suffer from anxiety. That once in a blue moon also has a great impact on how we look at ourselves. We either turn to self-loathing, or we keep looking for different things until we find just the right thing to do. I would much rather prefer the latter. What’s the point of self-loathing anyway? We have hardly walked into the mainstream adult life of handling several things at a time. It’s okay to not know our purpose in life yet. But we can’t stop looking for the one unique quality that brought us to this world and offer it to the audience. We need to keep looking for it instead of giving up so soon.

Self-loathing is like a full-stop to discovering yourself. Don’t do that; don’t stop discovering yourself. All of us definitely have something in ourselves that either very few people have, or maybe something that no one has. Maybe write and find out about it, read inspirational books, travel, meet other people, see other’s achievements as motivation, try out different things, agree to doing things you haven’t done before, take a risk, take a chance, find a possibility, open a door to wide opportunities, I don’t know!!! Do what you feel would be the perfect head-start for you on the path of discovering yourself. It’s okay to feel demotivated sometimes. We might run out of patience, we are humans; just know that we are the ones who can motivate ourselves the best and that we need to keep offering different things to the world. Even if we think those things are sh*tty, that’s how we’ll know that we need to move on from one area and experiment with something different. When you find yourself spiraling back to the same sh*tty thing, work hard to make it better. We have a lot to live. Let’s not rush into finding our true purpose so soon. Are we really wasting our life, or are we just scared that we might not be able to achieve what we want to achieve when the time quickly passes by? Instead of regretting later, we should start the process now, step-by-step.

Comfort Zone

I’m sorry I didn’t post my blog on the promised time. I was really busy with my admission. I’m going to college now. A real college. The day is coming closer, and there are so many things going on in my mind. I am in this city since I was 5 years old; and in this house for the past 9 years. The huge part is, I’m going somewhere else to study, like a lot of other people are. That place is where I was born. I go there twice or thrice every year to meet my relatives. Even if the place is known to me, leaving this house and going there is certainly a big deal. I made a decision to go there; 2 years ago. Yet somehow, I have panic attacks every once in a while about how much my life is going to change and all the new things I would have to adjust to. Being in this house for so long, I’m obviously emotionally attached to it. I’ve always enjoyed staying in, more than going out. My home is my comfort zone. Which brings me to the topic of this blog. Comfort zone; how to get out of it, and what you might face when doing so. I’ve always been of the opinion that unless you leave your comfort zone, nothing great in your life will happen. Leaving your comfort zone is full of surprises, excitement and anxiety. I mean, think about it. We are all chilling in our comfort zone, doing the same things everyday; even if we’re working, it becomes a routine and the concept of routine is repetitive. There’s nothing new or exciting happening; until you decide to get out of the comfort zone. Just thinking of leaving a comfort zone needs courage. This is easier said than done; I realise this, now that I’m in that situation myself. There are going to be a lot of second thoughts and panicky moments. A lot of them. Staying firm through these stages is a sign that you’re almost there. I’ll tell you what I do in these times, maybe you find it helpful or motivational.

 

  • Remembering why I made the decision in the first place-

This usually works as a pretty good motivation for me. This makes me think practically. Emotions only make it worse, because they make me doubt my decision. But once I remember the thought process behind my decision, I realise it’s probably best to keep going. But doing this once is not always enough. As the day comes closer, the frequency of panic attacks increases. There’s never just one solution.

 

  • Distractions-

This is the most common suggestion. But only the ones who have experienced this know that sometimes it is not as easy as they show it. For me, distracting myself is almost impossible in the beginning. In this case, I try million other sources of distraction. I listen to songs, read a book, go on social media, read other blogs about panic/anxiety, google what I should do, eat, call my best friends and tell them exactly how I feel, talk to my parents; just do everything until I find the perfect distraction. Sometimes I easily find a distraction, sometimes even hobbies aren’t enough. But I do find the perfect one by the end of the day.

 

  • Write it down-

Just like I’m writing this blog. I wrote this to help myself; and help others as well. If not blog, you could keep a diary. Make various documents, if you don’t like writing it on a paper. When you do overcome the moment when you write it down, don’t forget to add in the end about what you did and how you feel after doing it. So the next time you go through something similar, you can read what you did last time and do that again.

 

I repeat all of this every single time. It is exhausting, but it’s effective and it is a much better alternative. We cannot just jump to the point where we feel fine immediately. Step-by-step is always the way to go. At the end of the day, I stay of the opinion that something different and exciting will only happen if I take efforts; and to take efforts, I need to leave my comfort zone. Right now, I think about a new college life, a new home, new subjects to study – the ones I actually enjoy studying; and these things motivate me. Find your motivation, and never abandon your decision to leave the comfort zone. Believe that it is important, and believe that it is going to be exciting, thrilling and worth all the efforts. Don’t let your emotions trick you into detouring from something amazing.

The soul of a Sagittarius

So there’s some amount of research/personal survey for this blog.  But this is kinda mostly based on me and I’m sure there is a huge Sagittarius population to agree with me. Let’s begin, then. Here are few things that you would aggressively nod at; either if you know me, or if you are Sagittarius as well.

  • Appreciative of nature. It’s not just “Oh look the sunset looks good”. It’s “OH MY GOD THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SUNSET EVER!!!!! I HAVE TO TAKE A PICTURE OF THIS. GOSH THIS IS WONDERFUL!”. This happens everyday. I have a major fomo when I miss a perfectly beautiful scene. It’s raining right now, and I legit kept my laptop away to take like 5 pictures (or maybe 50; who knows). You have no idea how much time I spend just watching the scene every evening. The camera roll is mostly filled with these evenings.

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Narmada river shore near Vadodara, Gujarat
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Just another cloudy day. My daily view.

  • The one who thinks life is tasteless without travelling. I don’t come out as a traveler to most people, but trust me when I say it breaks my heart that I don’t get the opportunity to travel at least once every year. The thought of just taking off and landing to a destination I’ve never been to before, sounds like one of the most peaceful things to do. A new cozy hotel, new cuisines, new places to discover, different sunset points, I feel like I could leave right now! Hill stations, beaches, urban areas, anywhere! Just take me. Traveling is like liberation, for us.
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Manali.

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  • The observer. Especially people. We can read people like a book, but we don’t show it. Sorry! I gave out the secret. Don’t get conscious; like any candid picture, natural is the best. We know people; we know exactly how to treat different people, maybe we have brutally honest opinions about them, but we know who they are. Not because there’s magic; the secret is observation.

 

  • Very hard to pin down/control. Once we start wandering – mentally or physically – there are very few things that can calm our enthusiasm. Smallest of things excite us. Winter babies love winter. So if it’s winter, going out without a sweater is just as peaceful as staying under the covers in the morning. Giving tips like ‘wear a sweater’ are useless. We do what we want to do.

 

  • Dramatic. As in tumblr dramatic. Reading books with coffee or hot chocolate on a rainy day. Listening to music and watching the scene outside during a journey. Thinking about life when we see the beautiful nature (mostly while traveling). Taking pictures of waves of the sea and caption it ‘life is like sea waves’. All of it.

 

Yep, you guessed it. Sagittarius are the cliche ones. But the ‘proud of being cliche’ ones.

Note: These traits are most commonly found in Sagittarius. Not everyone who is Sagittarius will necessarily relate to this; and others from non-Sagittarius community might also relate to this. It’s just the basic rule of astrology, isn’t it?

Share this with your Sagittarius friends and leave a comment below saying “saamee” if you can relate. XD XD

See you 2 weeks later.

Self-esteem mess

This blog is a little more personal to me than the previous one. I recently talked to one of my best friends about this. About how I had enough self-esteem previously and then I kinda didn’t anymore. I led myself to believe I have a low self-esteem, like an illusion. I found a lot of people talking about their social anxieties, their low self-esteem and their other personal problems which led me to self-analysis. I started thinking and then over-thinking about my self-esteem until I reached a conclusion that I had the minimum amount of it. As you can already see, that’s not necessarily true. I started looking at narcissists and thought, how do they so easily love themselves? How do they find it easy to think of various reasons to love themselves? When I go into self-analysis, I can only think of numerous ways I’m imperfect and I end up hating myself. This cycle goes on every-time I see someone being absolutely in love with themselves. I was fed up of it one day and I decided to call my best friend, talk about it and get either a solution or a way to make me feel better. It did make my vision much clearer. I at least realized that I’m forcing myself to be socially awkward, depressed, shy, imperfect, anxious, etc. I don’t understand why I forced it, but since I realized that’s wrong, I started working on it.

When I had to meet new people, I resisted from thinking that I’m awkward. I just went ahead with inputs in a group conversation with new people. I was successful in having a pretty good conversation. My heartbeat felt faster in my first attempt, but it all started reducing bit by bit in my next attempts. I realized it’s not that hard; people don’t concentrate on how you’re speaking and they are too busy to beg for your inputs. So unless I start speaking, no one will care; and once I start speaking, they are more concerned about what I’m saying rather than how awkward I am while talking. It will only grab more attention if I’m weird. People are also too busy to keep thinking about what I said. So being awkward will be more embarrassing for me and will create an unnecessary scene. I also found it weird when people kept their own photos as their wallpaper, I still do. But maybe a little bit of narcissism helps. I still can’t keep my wallpaper as my photo, but I changed my WhatsApp wallpaper and set my photo. I look fat in that photo; I told my sister that, and she said she didn’t even notice until I pointed out. My friends gave a similar reaction. Then I realized another thing, my fears and my insecurities are all just in my mind. People don’t even notice it until I point out.

I found my confidence going down as well. I have a lot of blogs written. I don’t find enough confidence to share it with everyone. I sent my drafts to my friends because I was always unsure about my content. My first blog was reviewed by 2 of my friends and only then did I find enough courage to post it online. This blog, I’m not gonna send anyone to review; my first step to building confidence online. What’s the worst that could happen? Maybe it won’t be up to the mark. But I’m just a beginner. Who cares if some of my content isn’t the best? I’ll learn. What inspired me to talk about this, is the book “Girl Online” by Zoe Sugg. She wrote about things she couldn’t easily talk about to others. But once she wrote blogs about it, she felt much better. Maybe this blog helps me make my attempts better and reach my aim of being my previous self, who was leagues better in a lot of ways. I’m not disappointed with my current personality, a lot of changes have made me better than before. I’m just trying to eliminate my unnecessary fears.

 

Maybe someone can relate with me about this? Let me know in the comments below about what parts of your personality you think you might have to eliminate.

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Effects of negativity.

Being negative and prickly is so much better than being positive. You don’t have to put in extra efforts to be nice to people. You don’t have to impress people and you can be brutally honest. Sounds great to few people, because this is the acquired personality of most of them. Being a critic gives others a different perspective and if it is funny enough, everyone likes it. Mostly, no one thinks of the consequences of being bitter; neither do they think of how it can affect the person who is being targeted. A lot of the victims don’t know how to overcome that misery. They curse themselves, fall into terrible self-analysis, doubt everything they do, even if it has nothing to do with what they were targeted about. They overthink every step they take. This is not a good sign because they probably won’t ever get over it. Once it becomes a habit, it’s impossible to go back.

Let’s consider a situation; a person is terribly injured because of an accident. A lot of people tend to question what exactly happened. When the situation is explained and it turns out that it was in fact their fault, they start teaching the person lessons about how to drive. The injured does not need all that at the moment, he/she probably understand their mistake. All this criticizing only makes them curse themselves, adding to the physical pain they already have. They have probably learnt their lesson. It almost costed them their life. They know what might have gone wrong and they would obviously improve. And if you still think that you need to teach those lessons, fight the urge to tell them when they are still suffering. Tell them once they recover, your suggestions would be more welcome at that time.

Let’s consider another example. Someone is looking forward to become a content creator or do anything on the internet; they post their first video, blog, vlog, etc. They are already really nervous and tensed about the response they get. When they receive extremely brutal comments from the audience, it obviously hurts. This does not mean that no one must tell them that their content is not up to the mark. You may tell them that in a much polite way. At least for their first attempt, go easy on them. And if you just hate it and you can never be polite, just click away from that site and never visit again. No one deserves comments so harsh that they won’t ever be able to gather the courage to do “anything” publicly. There are so many big YouTubers who react to their own first videos or old videos. They hate it, they realize that their first attempts were terrible. But since they are the big YouTubers, they obviously improved since their first videos. The content that internet creators produce, is not made for everyone and they know that, they can accept that. Not your type of content, click away. As simple as that. If no one is pointing out what they are doing wrong, take the ‘polite’ initiative and tell them. Criticism is welcomed. Extreme on the other hand, not so much.

Being negative all the time is not healthy. Not for the one affected, not for you. I can’t imagine the misery in people’s life that their only relief is making it miserable for someone else. You need company in your misery, ask your friends to help or comfort you, making it terrible for everyone is no help for yourself. There might be a lot of people who say nice things and are much polite while talking, but one little prick can destroy all of that joy. It’s human tendency to question yourself when lot of negativity comes your way. Don’t curse yourself for it, ignore it, try not to get offended and choose to concentrate on the positivity you receive. It will only bother you as long as you let it bother you. Distract yourself with things you like to do. If it has reached a point where you think you can’t handle it, talk to your parents, friends, or even a therapist if it comes to that point. Don’t let it get the best of you and get help before its too late. Negativity will always exist. This is just an attempt to try and change at least a few minds. Rebels will remain rebels and one article cannot change this stubborn part of anyone’s personality. Anyways, trying never hurts.

Placeholder ImageI remember posting a funny comment on a video once. A lot of people liked it, a lot of people replied that they found it hilarious. But there was this one person who said it’s not even that funny. The very second, it struck me. Unknowingly, I re-read the joke until I agreed with the person that it in fact was not funny. 25 replies > 1 reply. That one reply still had more impact than the 25 replies collectively. Then I thought about it, which gave me the idea to write this blog. Why did that one comment even affect me? If the person really thought that it was lame, why didn’t he just scroll down…? He could’ve read other comments which were funnier. What made him stop at my comment and take the efforts to pass the negativity to me? Maybe he thought someone would agree, or for any other reason. It affected me for the time being and it was gone by the time I saw the next video. This was just a small example, it worries me, the thought that people get bullied because a few people thought being negative was cool. It urges me to help them and this is a step in that direction.

If it was of any help, let me know. If it wasn’t of  your help, share it with someone who might much appreciate it.